Today I took my wife to the hospital again for yet another follow-up on her cancer. For those that do not know, my wife is fighting stage 4 breast cancer. Initially she focused on alternative treatments and they worked in part and failed in part. We have learned an immense amount about cancer, the industry, and the treatment, and will share all of that over time, but that’s not what this article is about. This article is about cancer and people.
As my wife has continued to follow her path in fighting this horrific disease, I have seen the toll it has taken on her, my boys, our family, and everyone around us. Cancer is, after all, terminal at some point if not dealt with. While I recognize that some cancers are incredibly slow moving and that people may be able to live with them for years, even those eventually need to be dealt with unless you have reached an age or point in your life where you are comfortable with death. People in this situation are rare and, even for someone that is fine with death, their loved ones typically are not okay with that.
In my family my boys are 11 and [almost] 14 and they have reacted accordingly. We have shared with them the situation and the real dangers but have also told them we are fighting and that my wife (Annie) plans to beat it. My boys are very strong and have done wonderfully but ultimately they have faced an entire range of emotions as a result of this nightmare. For me, their struggles have been one of the most difficult aspects of this.
With all that said, my boys know what their dad does and know that I’m advocating for Annie. They also know that I’m pretty good at what I do and so that has an impact. The reality is that they are right, I am good as a healthcare advocate and their mother has received very good treatment because we advocated well. We researched everything, we talked to numerous people, we found amazing doctors, we worked actively with the doctors to ensure they had all relevant information, we facilitate communications between medical teams, we work actively to share new studies/data/information that is credible and relevant, and we push for the most efficient and effective treatment after fully informing ourselves of all potential risks and benefits.
If all of this sounds like a lot of work, it is. I have spent an immense amount of time researching all things cancer and that is a real feat. It is also something that I am in a fairly unique position to do in light of my experience in seeking truth in other areas of health and medicine. This is important because the knowledge and experience I have gained in studying cancer and its treatment/research have clearly demonstrated that there are very good aspects of the science around cancer and very evil aspects. It also has demonstrated to me the immense challenges people with cancer and their families face… this has had a profound impact on me as a human being.
As Annie and I walked out of a test and towards the next test we passed a beautiful child cancer patient being carted somewhere for her own test. The difference between my wife standing next to me as one of the best health advocates you will find and this child being carted into a test by herself was stark and devastating to me. All the joy I felt in my heart knowing that my wife is improving and will (God willing) win her battle was sapped as I realized the impact of God, support, connections, knowledge, were something that I could provide to my wife but that this child would not have. No one was with this child, no one was telling this child she would be okay, no one was there to tell the testing team the important or relevant information that was not going to be apparent in the charts, and this child’s treatment could be nothing more than the overworked and over-regulated hospital staff could provide (for the record I absolutely adore the caring and wonderful nature of the staff at the hospital providing treatment for my wife but there is only so much they can do).
We have a healthcare system where people are cogs. If you are not a doctor or lawyer or related to one, the system is designed to treat you like a cog in a factory. One-sized treatment fits all, standards of care that are based on a bell-curve rather than an individual patient’s needs, and - more than anything - the best treatment is always based on what you can afford. My heart shattered as I saw this child because I knew this baby would absolutely be a cog. In a million years I would not let my wife face these tests without me being available to advocate as needed. She is an adult and able to speak for herself - this was a child with zero capacity to understand the details of what would be occurring in her world.
I make no judgments on the child’s family or situation. Perhaps the child was being raised by a single parent, perhaps that parent had little or no education, perhaps there simply was no one that was able to or capable of advocating for this child. As hard as it has been for an educated professional with resources to learn to advocate in the cancer realm it is hard to imagine it even being a possibility for most families - especially if the family is struggling.
Cancer rates are increasing and the cancers out there are more aggressive and attacking younger, more healthy individuals (take a look at this article from
- https://vigilantnews.com/post/more-young-people-are-getting-cancer-why/?omnisendContactID=64f0f8c4bad1720e1a0acfa5&utm_campaign=campaign%3A+Vigilant+Fox+Daily+Digest+%5B03%2F28%2F2024%5D+%286605aa22e4c1cd65327115b6%29&utm_medium=email&utm_source=omnisend and even the WHO admits this issue here). The rates are expected to continue to increase and I believe we need to come together on this issue. Cancer is not a democrat or republican issue, it is not a rich or poor issue, it is not a right or left issue, it is a human issue and it is a nightmare I would not wish on anyone. That said, I literally could not imagine having a family member with cancer and not being in a position to help them fight it. For whatever reason, this child represented to me the millions of people facing cancer without a big mean attorney with an extensive background in health science to advocate for them in their care. Our healthcare workers do the best they can but the system is broken and it is absolutely necessary to have an advocate if you truly want the best treatment.
It is my prayer that this child recover. It is also my prayer that we can come together to work towards understanding real root causes for cancer, ensuring access and the best treatment for everyone afflicted with this horrific disease, and for legitimate cures for cancer to be developed without concern for profit or credit. Stay tuned - I intend to become far more active in dealing with cancer coming up and seeing that child, again for the thousandth time, reaffirmed that this is something I have to fight for.
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